Have you ever felt misunderstood?
Why African Cocoa Stories
👋 I hope you’re well.
In November I wrote about changing my approach to storytelling. Then I wrote about why we needed better cocoa farmer stories.
Along the line, Brandon, a fellow writer, asked me: “Why do you care about telling cocoa stories?”
It made me pause and search my soul a bit, for a deeper, more personal reason for starting the journey. I found something, a thought, and I’d like to share it with you.
Here we go…
A man was accused by a woman of trying to kidnap her baby in a Walmart supermarket. He was arrested and charged with kidnapping and assault.
It turned out, however, that this man was innocent. Security footage showed he wasn’t trying to kidnap the baby. In fact, all he had done was approach the woman for directions to the medicine aisle.
Now, dear friend. Have you ever gotten into BIG trouble when something you said or did was taken out of context?
If yes, then you know the feeling of being misunderstood. And you can already imagine what the man might have gone through.
For me, being misunderstood is equal to dying. It is my worst fear because of consequences like in the Walmart story. And the thought that I’m ONE misinterpreted statement away from prison makes my heart pound.
On a less scary note, I’ve been practicing Nonviolent Communication since 2017. This has made me quite sensitive to the impact of my words and actions on others. I try to choose my words carefully; they should uplift, not hurt. And if I sense you’re taking my words out of context, I want to clarify right now.
While I fear being misunderstood, I also want to avoid misjudging others. I would be ashamed if I got someone’s dad into trouble for a crime he had no intention to commit. This makes me tend to give people the benefit of the doubt, sometimes to my own detriment.
The good thing is I’m often being asked to mediate conflicts: when my girlfriend, Eli, complained about a colleague or student who ruined her day, she knows I’ll not only empathize with her but also (carefully) offer another angle to help her judge the situation fairly.
And this — offering another angle — is what I’m doing with African Cocoa Stories.
Just as an individual like you can be misunderstood, a group of people — even an entire continent like Africa — can be misunderstood.
At this very moment, someone may be scared to visit Africa. I even learned some craft chocolate makers refuse to buy cocoa from Africa. Their choices, based on what they’ve seen or heard — and how that made them feel — are valid.
The only thing left is for someone to come along and offer them another angle of the story, to show them Africa from an unfamiliar perspective. One that inspires fairer judgment.
And that’s what I’m out here doing.
When I pick up my camera and run around villages, interviewing farmers, enduring insect bites, and getting pelted by rain, I’m looking for one thing:
to re-present Africa in a way people rarely get to see, using the lived experiences of cocoa farmers and others in the supply chain here.
And the outcome — the photos, this letter, the blog, the presentations at chocolate tastings, the upcoming live storytelling sessions — are all to help culturally curious folks like you to see, feel, and appreciate the nuances of life and culture in Africa.
This, my friend, is my way of helping the world better understand Africa. And I’m super glad to have you riding along on this journey.
Now, over to you:
What do you do when you feel misunderstood? I’m curious to hear from you.
📢 PS/Announcements
1. If this is your first time, thanks for coming! It’s a long ride, so subscribe for more interesting stories. Also check African Cocoa Stories to meet some great people.
2. Some people asked for my PayPal to directly support my field trips. Please click PayPal.me/benjaminsetor (or use africancocoastories@gmail.com). Thank you!
3. First Virtual Fireside is close. Title is: ‘How I Became a Cocoa Farmer’: Origin Stories from Ghana’. Look out for dates.
4. To invite me to speak at your virtual chocolate tasting or class, send a message via benjamin[at]africancocoastories.com.
Credit to Brand Weaver for the question that sparked this conversation. And to ,
, and for reading my drafts.
…you are doing an awesome job and the context of your communication studies track and make so much sense…i see it in your joy and openness…to answer the prompt when I am misunderstood and at my best I pause and in my silence question myself…the key to communication for me is to listen so next I ask questions…a misunderstanding likely means I am not being accurate or I am not listening…never enough listening and questioning…
I think we cannot be understood by everybody everytime, each person has a maturity and openess stage. I've traveled to Sao Tomé one week alone to explore some points of the country, the cacao history is present but I felt frustrated by the lack of chocolate local offer produced locally at honest prices...I ask myself if farmers are frustrated by that ..Best regards